Key points
- Apologies have the power to heal the wrongdoer and the wronged person, both emotionally and physically.
- A compassionate apology involves taking accountability, expressing empathy, and making amends.
- Practicing ongoing kindness helps you move from apology to relationship repair.
The power of an apology
When we do something mean or hurtful to another person, we will likely experience some feelings of shame or guilt. And the effects of guilt can be debilitating – weighing on us until we become emotionally or physically ill. Everyday Health notes that guilt can affect our self-esteem and self-worth, leading to unhealthy behaviors.
But we don’t have to let the guilt from our wrongdoings eat away at us. A simple yet genuine apology to those we’ve wronged can go a long way. When we choose to take accountability for our actions and show kindness, healing can happen for us and for the person we’ve hurt.
Apologies are actually crucial to our health. For the wrongdoer, having the courage to admit a mistake can lead to a sense of self-respect. For the person receiving the apology, there can be an immediate, positive effect on the body – blood pressure decreases, heart rate slows, and breathing becomes steadier. Apologies also allow the wronged person to let go of their anger, feel empathy, and move past negative emotions. Below are a few emotional benefits of an apology, from Psychology Today.
Emotional benefits of an apology
- A person who has been harmed feels emotional healing when acknowledged by the wrongdoer.
- When we receive an apology, we no longer perceive the wrongdoer as a personal threat.
- An apology helps us to move past our anger and prevents us from being stuck in the past.
- An apology opens the door to forgiveness by allowing us to have empathy for the wrongdoer.
When you apologize, you aren’t just doing it because society says you should. It’s a way to show kindness, respect, and compassion for another person, setting you on the road to relationship repair.
Choosing compassion over being right
Apologizing involves taking accountability for your mistakes and wrongdoings, taking the time to understand how your actions might have hurt another person, and making amends. And the magic ingredients? Kindness and compassion.
At One Kind Act A Day, we define compassion as “empathy in action.” When you pair empathy with solutions for how you’ll do better in the future, your apology comes from a place of kindness, and will mean much more to the receiver. A compassionate apology has four key steps:
- Accountability: Take responsibility for your actions. Avoid vague language or minimizing the offense. For example, “I said some things out of anger that weren’t very kind of me.”
- Empathy: Try to understand how the other person feels by visualizing the situation from their perspective, and listen actively when they’re ready to talk. To express empathy, you can say something like, “I see how what I said hurt you, and I’m truly sorry.”
- Read more about how to be a more empathetic person in our blog, What is empathy, and why is it important?
- Expressing Remorse: Don’t forget to actually use the words “I’m sorry” in your apology! If you feel guilt or shame, you can express those feelings too.
- Solution: Find a way to make amends for your actions. If you hurt someone’s feelings, express what you’ll do differently in the future, or ask what you can do to avoid the problem moving forward. For example, “I’ll try harder not to take my frustrations out on you.”
When apologizing, an act of kindness can have a big impact! A kind note, a hug, or a thoughtful gesture can show how much you care, and how committed you are to making it right. Read more about making a heartfelt apology from Harvard Health.
Remember, it’s not just the words – it’s the empathy in action that makes an apology meaningful!
Moving from apology to relationship repair
An apology is extremely important, but it doesn’t automatically mend a relationship. There’s still work to be done to build trust in the apology. Repair requires consistency, patience, and continuous effort. When you practice kindness and empathy on an ongoing basis, the wronged person can gain confidence that you will not repeat the same hurtful actions in the future. Here are a few ideas:
Ideas for practicing kindness daily
- Listen actively when the other person is talking. Be fully present without interrupting.
- Recognize and celebrate their accomplishments, even the small wins.
- Regularly express your appreciation for them and their efforts.
- Perform regular acts of care, like grabbing their favorite coffee or snack, checking in on how their day is going, offering compliments, going out of your way to help them with a task, or doing an unexpected chore.
Read more about how daily acts of kindness can strengthen relationships in our blog, Can Everyday Kindness Strengthen Your Relationships?
Want some more ideas for how to practice kindness daily?
When you sign up for our pledge of kindness, you commit to doing one kind act per day. We’ll send you kindness suggestions twice a week to keep you on track!
