Why Bringing Joy to Them Brings More Joy to You!

Did you know that 1 in 36 children will be diagnosed with autism by the age of 8? Additionally, 1 in 45 adults in the U.S. have autism. If you have had the privilege to know a child or an adult on the autism spectrum, you know firsthand how incredible they are! They bring such joy and love into our world. If you have not had this privilege yet, you will likely have an opportunity in the future. Lucky you!

Occasionally people have told me, “I don’t always know how to interact with someone with autism. I worry about making a mistake. I’m not familiar with the situation.” Sadly, this viewpoint keeps people from interacting with our friends on the spectrum and isolates them. We all need connections and friends.

The Dalai Lama reminds us, “Be kind whenever possible. It is ALWAYS possible.” It is true, small acts of kindness are always possible. Most of the time we just need to look up and pay attention to our surroundings for a moment and we will quickly become aware of someone who needs help, support, a smile, or a hug. So, it stands to reason that, as we learn to better understand our friends on the spectrum, we become more aware of ways to support them and be kind to them.

That is the purpose of this article. We need to be kind to every kind of person, and we can do that by understanding them a little better. So, let’s learn more about our friends on the autism spectrum:

• Children & adults with autism may struggle with both verbal and nonverbal communication. While they may be trying to communicate with you, you may need to respond more clearly and emphasize the key words in your communication.
  Give more time. Our friends on the spectrum may need a bit more time to process what you have said and to give them a chance to think of a response.
• Learn about their favorite interests, games, or hobbies. They are typically very passionate about the things that they love, and they love to have conversations about what they are passionate about!
• Meet them where they are. If you can join them where they are, sit down and show your genuine interest in what they are doing, you can typically find ways to connect with them and include them.
• Always strive to be encouraging and compassionate in speaking and interacting with them.
• Don’t be offended by lack of eye contact. Just because they may not look at you directly, doesn’t mean that they aren’t interested in interacting with you.
• Our friends on the spectrum love their routines. A change in their schedule can often make them anxious. Clearly state any “new” plan, and even explain why the plan has changed. Then share what will happen next. Praise them when you see they are flexing into the new plan.
• Support parents with children on the autism spectrum. You may see a child struggling at the grocery store, or in a crowded room, or during a loud party. You may also see their parents working hard to help them calm down. In those moments, parents might be concerned about how others are perceiving them as a parent. This is a great time to approach them and say, “Hey we have been there! You are doing a great job mom” or “This is a lot to take in, what can I do to help you?” Those words of encouragement mean everything to a parent!

To know someone with autism is to love them. While their journey may differ from your own, having the benefit of seeing the world through the lens in which they see it is a lovely perspective! May this perspective bring you joy as you serve them and show love and kindness to them!

MaShel West is the founder and owner of Friends On The Spectrum, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization whose mission is to create a safe and inclusive community where children and young adults on the autism spectrum can come together to socialize, learn and cultivate meaningful friendships.